It’s been six days
Since I hugged you
…and held you near
Trying to feel your heartbeat
Trying to decipher who
you’ve become over the years
Foolish to believe that
loving you would change you
Who you are programmed to be
Foolish to believe that
my love would come through
And finally set you free
It’s been six days
since the dawn of my regret
Six days is all it took
For you to forget
(how long it takes me to feel safe)
You so callously bring the walls of love
crumbling down
With stonewalling and a shout
(you make me look and feel like the clown)
Laughed at. Scorned.
Not loved. Not adored.
What is marriage if not
a humiliation ritual
(custom built for me?)
Six days is all it took
For you to tear this down (again)
How can I forgive you this time
if you need apologize nor say you are sad or sorry
How can I look to you as if you were a friend?
I am filled with the placeholder
that I was keeping for my rainiest days
Needing to take the weight off my shoulders
…and fill that empty space
– If I seek safety most
…and you’d rather act like a child
then communicate your basic needs
This result? It’s no surprise
Six days is all it took
to crumble down that
(100th, 200th, 300th) chance
And today, alone I dance
Knowing that loving you is something
I will never do…again.
I waited for a long time
For those tears to cease
For this love to go away
I loved you for 34 years
I have shed at least 12,362 tears
At least one a day, for all those years
It has been 12,362 days
And at least 1,000 fights
At least 100,000 miles between us
Heartbroken days, lonely nights
Six days is all it took: you tore my newly laid foundation down
Once again I stand here, once again the clown
No longer a girl standing in front of a boy
asking her to love him
But a woman no longer dazzled
by regret, shame or inaction
The shame is yours my friend
I have no more to give
I have no more blame to take
You will live to mourn your mistakes
This six days you will never get back
I’ve given you far too many days and years
And I will never receive the payment for my tears
What a shame.